Don't Abandon Ship

I've been pondering those darn yoga sutras again lately. Oh, and what might those be, you ask? Good question! Written long, long ago and commonly attributed to Patanjali, they are some pithy Sanskrit phrases that basically lay it all out there: What is that yoga stuff anyway? (Sounds better in Sanskrit.)

The tiny, tiny bit that's written about the physical part of yoga says, in a nutshell, that the posture should be steady and comfortable. Huh. Not something people often attribute to yoga pretzel poses. Another way to interpret it is to abide with what is.

I've been thinking about that in connection with my obsession with surrender. Surrender is one of those big trigger concepts for me, something that feels really juicy and important, so I work with the concept a lot. One of the ways I like to work with it is to try and tease it away from other concepts that can feel similar sometimes but which take me to a whole different, and not so helpful, landscape. Abandon is one of those other concepts.

There are times when the two feel quite similar. When you throw yourself into something with abandon, isn't that the same as surrendering? I think there's a little edge there, a tiny separation, because I think that releasing yourself into whatever may come for me denotes that there's a part of me that has remained behind. Abandoned ship, so to speak. And, it has finally occurred to me, that I have BIG abandonment issues, so how can it possibly be a good thing for me to stand on the brink, hurl myself over the edge and wave goodbye? This is way bigger than wandering off in the wrong direction with all parts accounted for; this is getting really LOST.

For myself, I see this most clearly in relationships (of course). You know that feeling...you're crazy about someone, and there's something that feels good, maybe a little risky, but what the heck, what's life all about anyway? So you release yourself to go there (yesyesyes...ABANDON!), and then, oops! Bad idea and now you're hurting, so now there's yet ANOTHER part of yourself beating up on the first part. Now, you're telling yourself you're an idiot. And the big YOU (please refer back to prior discussions on the inner witness!) says oh boy, I'm out of here and walks away. Arrrgh!!! Abandonment!!!

Here's the tough part; this is where surrender comes in. What happens if the inner witness hangs around and does what it does best–witness without judgment and with curiosity and compassion? In other words, you now surrender to the whole experience and ride it out with all hands on deck. No one gets left behind or thrown to the wolves and we ride through the storm together. Abide with what is, and find a way to be steady and comfortable on the way.

copyright 2007 J. Autumn Needles