Effort and Surrender

Yeah, I know...I'm obsessing a little over this topic. ENOUGH ALREADY!!! But...I think it's worth a little obsession. I keep thinking I'm going to create a yoga class with this title. That's really what happens in a class after all, the effort of doing the poses followed by the surrender of Savasana. I'm not sure though that the lines are that clear cut.

I was thinking about this topic for this particular entry and already thinking about how it relates to willpower, and some misconceptions I think most of us share about what that means. And then I got lost.

No big surprise, given the name of this blog, but I haven't actually written much lately about getting lost because it hasn't happened to me for a while. Apparently, if you live some place for 17 years and spend lots of that time walking and taking the bus all over, eventually you're simply guaranteed to acquire some sense of direction. But if you're like me, you are still quite capable, thank you very much, of getting hopelessly lost.

Here's the story: I went to teach a lesson in a part of town where I've a)lived for many years, b)worked for many years, c)wandered and socialized and hung out and gone to events for many years, and (here's the best part) at a home where I've been three (3!!!) different times recently. I couldn't find it. And what was interesting about it was that I was in complete denial that this was even possible, so in my head I was having a little conversation that went like this, "This can't be happening. But it is. But it can't be. But it is. But it can't be..." and so on. And then as I realized that it was indeed happening and that I was now late for my lesson I added in a little refrain, "I'm an idiot," to the rest of my litany. (Isn't that interesting? I now have a hate mantra, as in the Peril of Pigeon Pose, and an idiot mantra.) Eventually though I had to realize that the chatter going on in my head was not even vaguely useful, tune it out, surrender to the ridiculous situation and call the woman I was going to meet.

And I think that's exactly what happens with what we call willpower. Often people use the term "mind over matter", but I think the truth of it is body over mind. It's that initial umph to dive down deeper underneath the mind's chatter to access the body wisdom of a situation. So I think about days when swimming was part of my after work routine. I would leave work feeling tired and just wanting to get home and park myself in front of the tv with a nice cup of tea. In my head, this is what was playing, "I'm really tired, really REALLY tired, I don't want to swim, my suit is wet already and I don't want to put it on, it takes too long, I'll get home too late, I don't want to swim, if I go home I can exercise in front of the tv, that would be just as good..." and on and on. In my body what was happening was this: I leave work and turn my body in the direction of the pool, I walk down the street until I get to the pool, I walk inside and pay the fee, I go in the locker room and change clothes, I shower, I get in the pool...and suddenly my mind has shut off its litany because I'm here already, I'm swimming in the clean cool water, slicing up and down the lanes, enjoying the pleasure of moving my body. My body knows that this is what I need and my mind doesn't get a vote.

I've read that discipline in yoga equals feet on mat or butt on meditation cushion and I think there's a wisdom there for any venture. All you need is that tiny push of effort to dive under the mind and the body's momentum will carry you if you're willing to surrender to it. Doing the poses themselves isn't the effort; that tiny little push to arrive is.

I had a yoga teacher who taught us how to do what he called "whine-asana". It's a very important yoga pose and it goes something like this: Plant your feet hip's width apart. Turn your palms out and inhale your arms up to reach up overhead. Then recite, "I don't want to do yoga! It's too hard! I'm too tired. I don't like this!" Tone of voice is very important–make sure you draw out the syllables and get them nice and whiny! You can bend your knees and bounce a little to really emphasize the whine. Try it sometime when you hear some negative self-talk going on in your head. Put it out there out loud on the breath with the body engaged. Give yourself some love and empathy but don't take yourself too seriously. Life is ridiculous and grand and aren't we lucky to be here?

copyright 2007 J. Autumn Needles